THAT > WHY
When something is or isn’t working it’s a good idea to spend a bit of time looking at the whys. The whys can shine light on future moves.
The problem is, we often think we know why when we actually don’t. We mistakenly think we know what caused the effect so we add or subtract the activity that we think will help.
Spending too much time trying to pinpoint the “why” slows growth. A brief after action review is a good strategy…a long winded analysis isn’t. When things aren’t working, get familiar with reality and focus on next steps instead of the death spiral of inaccurate whys. The effort put forth to assign blame is a waste of valuable energy.
The fact THAT it works is more valuable than WHY it works when you’re growing a company.
Whether it’s working or not...Start with “Why” but don’t linger.
Do Your “Best”
We all have goals. Ones we achieve, ones we miss, ones we kinda punt. There are so many uncontrollable things that keep us from achieving. Outside forces like high interest rates, technology breakdowns, or flaky people can set us back.
At times it seems like everything is stacked against you and it’s kinda true. You are doing your “best” but it still isn’t working.
Sometimes you claim to be doing your “best” but you know it's not quite your best.
Don’t EVER let your effort be the thing that holds you back.
God will show you what your “best” is, if you ask.
Get Control
We naturally want to have control. The number of things that are actually controllable are smaller than we might think.
Spill a glass of milk on the table and you have no control over where the leche flows. You don’t have a say in which way the wind blows or if you even wake up tomorrow.
It seems healthy to take charge of the controllable things. The things we ought to be doing. Things like our diet, our attitude, or our daily decisions. Getting out of bed early to head to the gym is up to us. Not controlling the controllable adds stress to our lives.
But what’s even more stressful?
Trying to control the things not meant to be controlled. It can be a blurry line usually created by self interest. Trying to avoid pain is a natural approach to living. The problems arise when we try to “control” away negative realities.
It’s not usually control but the illusion of control that slaps us down.
I Just Can’t Stand It!
Some things seem unbearable.
You’re up to your eyeballs and you’ve had it.
You just can’t take it!
You can’t “stand it” anymore!
Really?
The truth is you’re “still standing.” Your heart's still beating.
You’re either “standing it” or you’re dead.
If you’re not dead and have time to “stand” there and complain…you have time to take action.
Truth Bomb
The realist prides himself on being a truth teller. They are the type of people who tend to look through the bullshit and see what is really going on. It’s a talent, it’s a gift, and it’s also the fastest way to be a jerk.
What’s the point of delivering a truth bomb if it deafens the audience? Giving someone a piece of your mind is more about you than them.
The realist might say “That’s not my problem, I’m just calling it like I see it.”
Calling it like you see it and being blunt doesn’t move the needle in the right direction. (I checked). It’s relationally lazy. The more useful approach is to start with kindness. The heart behind what you say manifests itself through your tone.
If your tone is laced with self interest it won’t go well.
Be kind fam…
Don’t Judge Me
If you see a friend make bad choices what is your role? Leave him be? Who are you to judge?
Being afraid of judging is understandable. Judgment is important though. It’s important because turning a blind eye isn’t loving. We all make judgment calls every day. When your buddy isn’t using good judgment you should warn him. Let him know it kills you to see him going down the wrong path.
If he gets angry with you and 1shames you for “judging” him it’s a sign. A sign to let it go. You are wasting your breath. He is choosing his path over personal growth or curiosity.
Your pearls are too valuable for swine.
Silent Treatment
When things don’t go your way and you’re hurt or disappointed it’s tempting to punish the other person with the cold shoulder.
If we’re honest with ourselves it’s much easier to take the low road with the silent treatment. It’s satisfying because it gives the illusion of control. Maybe, just maybe they will come to you, hat-in-hand ready to take 100% ownership of everything they did to you. You want them to make all the correct guesses as to why you’re pouting, how it must have made you feel, and say a million sorry’s.
Pretty childish approach but understandable. The silent treatment is a useful way to avoid looking at your own pile of 💩. We all have our own piles and many times it’s your fault you’re triggered. Why? Because you haven’t been curious about the thing behind the thing. Why did that trigger me? What pre-existing pain did that agitate?
It’s scary to uncover some of those things and own them and learn from them. It’s much easier to act like it’s their fault for being insensitive to your invisible baggage. It’s a dysfunctional rescue-wish that will keep you stuck.
We’re all tempted to punish with silence…the question is…who is the one really suffering?
Self Love
There is a ton of chatter on the web about self love. You have to love yourself, take care of yourself, don’t forget about yourself. While this is true in some respects, becoming the center of your own universe is a direct path to misery.
Self centeredness is a natural human condition that manifests itself in unexpected ways. For example, if you’re proudly focused on others and find yourself resenting them when they don’t reciprocate… it could be a sign of over loving yourself
Everyone wants to be liked but making it your focus robs your happiness. Misery assaults you when you strive for approval. The world revolves around “self” when your mental state hinges on acceptance. It’s an empty pursuit.
The more time you spend thinking about yourself the more unhappy you become. Being selfless is good but thinking of yourself less is probably better.
Pro Tip: For more joy..focus on your Maker way before you meet Him.
P&L vs Forecast
The P&L tells you what happened. It shows you what’s left after the dust settles and all the debits and credits are entered. It displays seasonality, market shifts, lucky breaks, bad moves, and good strategy. It highlights the truth about good and bad decisions. Sometimes it’s depressing and sometimes it’s exciting.
The P&L requires no vision to create. It’s simply the truth about what happened. It doesn’t require much of anything other than accuracy.
The forecast on the other hand can be scary. It’s scary because it’s a guess based on the reality of the past and the hope of the future. They are almost never correct which causes a couple of responses.
They are never right so what’s the point?
They are never right but are still useful!
The former displays a fixed mindset and the latter, a growth mindset. Your thoughts about the future matter even though you can’t know what it is. The forecast teaches you about your view of the future. Over time your guesses will improve and the forecast will be more useful.
The goal of the forecast is to inspire strategy and creativity to achieve. It encourages growth and innovation to get there.
Comparing what you thought was going to happen with what actually happened is where the golden lessons are. Lessons that are likely unlearnable without the bravery to forecast.
Parting thought: It’s okay to look back…just don’t stare.
Learn It
Learning lessons the hard way is the only way for some. Others are more cautious because they watch the first guy bloody his nose. Life punches no matter how cautious you are. It finds a way to teach you.
The lessons aren’t always permanent. If you learn to avoid risks because they are risky you will live a pretty boring life. If you get on a bicycle for the first time and crash on a gravel turn it teaches you one of two things:
Bicycles are dangerous and I’m never getting on one again
Bicycles are dangerous without proper instruction and it’s obvious I don’t know what I’m doing yet.
These two “learned” attitudes have huge consequences over a lifetime.
Learning is not binary. The adventure in your life will be directly correlated by how you learn. What do circumstances teach you? What conclusions do you come to?
Sometimes the things you “learn” need to be unlearned.
The News
Why are some drawn to the news and others largely ignore it?
News is a profitable business and the currency is attention that's sold to the highest bidder.
If you don’t watch it you might miss something. You might not know about the bad thing that happened somewhere else. You might fall behind as the corrupt story unfolds.
Ignoring the news is a bad idea.
Ignoring most news is a good idea.
What is happening in a crooked man’s trial is attention getting, interesting, and a total waste of attention. Attention that is likely better placed in your own house and business.
If you’re frustrated by the news don’t forget…your attention is your asset. Be careful what you give it to.
Pro Tip: Find a news junkie who can summarize the high points in 30 seconds instead of wading through it yourself.
I Don’t Know
Knowing how to deal with what you don’t know will give you an edge over people who think they know. You can only really know something if it’s already happened. You can’t know for example that your car will start this morning until it does.
Sometimes people think they know and are surprised to find out they don’t. It’s usually because they’ve drawn conclusions to push away the question marks. Using fear-based conclusions as a way to button up the unknown will catch up to you.
Not knowing drives some people crazy. We all want things to make sense and the mystery of it all can be unsettling. Hand-wringing about what you don’t know is a waste of emotional bandwidth.
A more useful approach is to aggregate what you DO know and move forward with your best educated guess.
Base your next strategy on probability instead of a misguided conclusion about something unknowable.
Pro Tip: Faith brings tremendous comfort in the storms of the unknown.
Don’t Do It
Seeking wisdom is a good thing as long as you don’t make it the most important thing. Reading, studying, and seeking wisdom will get you knowledge.
Knowledge = Smart and Smart = Success…right?
This notion is one reason our culture normalizes large amounts of debt in exchange for a degree. We all know super smart people who struggle to make it. Misapplied or latent knowledge will get you nowhere fast without a strategy.
A strategy worth consideration is finding people who already have what you are looking for and it’s usually not your professor. Mimicking the actions of top performers works better than reinventing the wheel. (I checked)
Emulating what successful people DO will get you a long way but there is a secret catch. A catch that will keep you from their level.
Because their level is achieved by what they DON’T DO.
Comfort
Too much comfort leads to atrophy. Atrophy leads to weakness, illness, and psychological malaise.
Avoiding discomfort makes sense as a human but prevents progress and paves the way to stagnation.
Growth takes effort, action, discomfort, and time. Short-term discomfort is a small price to pay for the upside. Unfortunately, the reward is invisible at first glance.
Comfort choices are a trap. They accrue and will always bite you but almost never in the short term. They go undetected until you get sick, divorced, fat, addicted, stressed, depressed, or broke.
Gradually, then all at once.
Pro Tip: God doesn’t command us to do what is naturally easy.
PS Ben Franklin wrote a funny piece about this. Enjoy 😊
Fail
Failure is a man-made state of mind. There is a secret part of failure that is completely controllable.
People who control this part are the ones who succeed. The ones who don’t remain stuck.
The secret?
We get to choose how we view failure.
Failure often gives us a front row seat to reality. Reality can be brutal and doesn’t care how you feel about it. The feeling of failure will stay as long as it’s welcome. It only becomes permanent if we allow it to.
If you’re growth oriented, failure gets our attention briefly and inspires action. It forces the break up of habits that aren’t working and opens the door for improved patterns.
Pro Tip: View failure as tuition not prison.
What Might Happen
It’s hard to be around constantly negative people…it’s also hard being around endlessly positive people.
Both can be annoying.
A negative person may call himself a “realist”
A positive person may call himself an “optimist”
The negative person often views the positive person as blissfully unaware. Some of the more troubled people are likely the ones who are overly optimistic. They are troubled because they know deep down inside their view isn’t real.
The positive person views the negative person as a wet blanket. Some of the more troubled people are fearful pessimists who claim to be realists.
A healthy outlook boils down to holding two questions in mind at the same time.
Am I concerned about what might happen?
Am I excited about what might happen?
True growth arrives when we have a healthy response and learn from what actually happens.
The push-pull of pessimism and optimism is a sweet spot worth pursuing.
Pro Tip: You don’t know what will happen…but God does.
The Price
There seems to always be a price to pay. The good news is, you can usually choose which price.
If you don’t exercise you’ll pay a price
If you exercise daily you’ll pay a price
If you love your spouse you’ll pay a price
If you don’t love your spouse you’ll pay a price
If you develop good habits you’ll pay a price
If you develop bad habits you’ll pay a price
The interesting dynamic is the long-term consequences of not paying short-term prices. There is an obvious trap nested in the path of least resistance.
Most of the resistance comes in the form of front-end prices. Why pay the price of stopping at two drinks, two cookies, or one more episode?
If you’re gonna pay a price…make the harder choice. Choose the price with the most immediate discomfort and you will land on higher ground.
Assert
Asserting yourself in a situation gets all sorts of reactions.
People often don’t like it for a couple of reasons.
Sometimes it’s because you lacked awareness of the situation. Maybe you had a weak moment and forced something that shouldn’t be forced.
Sometimes people get upset by your assertiveness because they don’t feel like they can be assertive. They don’t think they have the right to express themselves so why should you? They will often choose to accuse you of being aggressive or crazy.
Being a formidable character who isn’t afraid to express yourself carries some responsibility. You want to avoid causing a wake that drowns others but is one they can handle. Not much happens in the world without some confidence to kick the door down. People aren’t going to like it.
Being a jerk and being effective is a tightrope. Surround yourself with effective people who can show you the difference. Walking on eggshells will keep you stuck.
“Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far” -T. Roosevelt
Blind Spots
Accountability is a key component of success and personal growth. Growing out of your blind spots requires a rare set of character qualities.
You have to know certain things, like:
You have blind spots
You can’t see your blind spots
Your blind spots are obvious to the ones who love you
Hearing about your blind spots feels threatening
You’ll naturally try to conceal your blind spots
Blind spots in most people are static because it’s easier to identify the blind spots in others. The nail in that coffin doesn’t end well.
The blind spots become dynamic with accountability. When someone holds you accountable they are saving you from yourself. Whatever you keep doing is self-sabotage and they are trying to stop you.
It’s often when love feels like judgmentalism.
The next time accountability comes your way and it stings a little…pay attention.
Stay humble, mi amigo!
Good Guilt
Guilt is the rumble strip for your day to day life. The Christian might call the rumble strip the spirit of God. A toddler naturally hides his wrong doings because what is right is hardwired in all of us. When what is “good” doesn’t match what we decided to do there is a tinge of guilt to remind us.
The world turns dark when we ignore the guilt and rationalize the action. Over time the guilt fades away and it starts to feel okay. Especially when you start spending time with people who have also muted their guilt. It almost disappears altogether and becomes the “right” thing to do.
The next natural occurrence is the feeling of judgment. Judgment from others who have not rationalized their wrong doings. When you watch someone else stay away from the rumble strips the guilt you thought you eliminated comes right back. The best thing to do in this case is to stay away from those type of people because they are “judgmental.”
But are they?
Humans are a mess but it’s worth taking a closer look at the feeling of being judged. What’s the source of that judgment?
Oftentimes it’s your conscience fighting for what is right and not condemnation from someone else.
If you don’t think there is absolute truth…the rumble strips will politely leave you to your ways and you will be miserable.